Title: Half Way There
Author: Josie Marchant
Summary: Mulder has some troubles and doubts that jeopardize his
sanity.
Disclaimer: They aren't mine, I wish they were, thanks Chris and
FOX
X files office
3:00am
Fox Mulder sat in the dark basement office, poring over
several case files that had landed on his desk at 8am that
morning, he hadn't moved all day. Scully had been and gone, she
had left at 5pm, insisting that Mulder came back to her place for
some dinner, he politely had refused and told her he had things
to do. That in itself was a lie, he only had work to do, nothing
else, and he just didn't want to go home. He was having one of
those times where his own company in his own apartment wasn't
welcoming. So he buried himself in his work, the one solid
dependable thing (apart from Scully) that he had in his life
right now.
He ran a hand over his face, feeling the stubble starting to
form, he was tired, really tired, and he needed to sleep. But he
kept on working.
8:00am
Dana Scully opened the door to the office; she placed her bag
down on her chair and stared at the sleeping form of her partner,
hunched over his desk.
"Mulder" she sighed. Walking quietly over to him, she
crouched by his side. "Mulder, wakey wakey it's
morning" she whispered. Reaching her hand to his head she
gently stroked his soft brown hair. "Mulder?" she
called again. This time she got a response as he stirred.
"Hey there partner, you been here all night?"
"Huh...wha'....uh...yeah" he struggled to open his
eyes. "Scully...I...I'm not feeling too...good...could you
uh..." he grabbed the trash can and vomitted straight into
it.
"Mulder, what's wrong?" Scully placed a hand on his
forehead. "You're burning"
"I'm okay...you just woke me suddenly. I'll be fine" he
wiped his mouth with his handkerchief. "I uh....I.." he
wheezed.
"Slow down a second, just breathe for me will you?" he
nodded and took in slow breathes. He felt like shit, as if he had
a hangover after a heavy night on the beers. The room seemed to
be spinning slightly. He figured he was just tired, he couldn't
have had more that an hours sleep, and that was disturbed with a
nightmare. "Mulder, you look terrible, what's going on?
Why'd you spend all night here?" she busied herself with
checking him over as she questioned him.
"I just had stuff to do"
"Come on Mulder, the workload isn't that bad at the moment.
Why didn't you take some files home to read, you can't relax
here"
"I can't at home either. Scully I'm fine okay. Just let me
get on with things" he didn't mean to appear so offhand with
her. He was just tired, and he didn't feel well. He knew she was
only worried about him because she cared. He just had a small
problem in accepting that.
"Okay, look go and freshen yourself up, clean your teeth and
have a shave" Scully wandered over to her desk. "We've
got a meeting with Skinner at 9am, you'd better make yourself
look presentable" She winced at her sharp tone, but when
Mulder was in this mood then there was no other way she could
treat him. He wouldn't accept her help, so what else could she
do. Mulder nodded and opened his desk drawer to pull out his wash
kit, staying all night at work was a regular thing for Fox
Mulder.
Assistant Director Skinners office
9am
"Sit down Agents" the director leant back in his
chair. "I have a new assignment for the both of you. It's
based here in DC so there's no travelling"
"What is it?" Mulder eyed his superior. "Another
assignment for the freak in the basement"
"Mulder!" Scully whispered.
"Agent Mulder, this case does have bizzare undertones yes,
but I am perturbed that you consider yourself in that light"
"Sorry Sir, just slipped out, what are the details?"
Mulder questioned.
"It's a case involving a teenager called Carl Steward. He
believes that his sister was abducted by aliens and...."
"Right" Mulder interjected. "How..how old is
he?" Mulder was getting out of his seat.
"13...Agent Mulder, where are you going?"
"I need some..some time. Can I take the file...I'll read it,
and uh...I'll get onto it, thanks Sir" he walked out of the
room. Scully stared in disbelief at the AD.
"I'm sorry Scully, but you two are the best two Agents to
deal with this. The claims are most likely false, the thing is,
Carl is a suspect in his sisters abduction and most likely
murder"
"Sir, have you any idea what this case could do to Agent
Mulder?"
"That's why I'd ask you to keep a close eye on things for me
Agent Scully"
"This could be a mistake Sir, with all due respect, Mulder's
not doing too great at the moment. He spent last night at the
office and I think he's coming down with something. He was
vomitting when I came in this morning. I think that this case
will only aggrivate his already high stress levels"
"If it really is too much, come to me then, but I need his
input on this. VCS requested him"
"VCS? there's not a body though"
"I know, but there could be pretty soon. Agent Scully, you
know I'd not do anything to put the Agents under me in
danger"
"Wouldn't you?" Scully raised an eyebrow at Skinner,
turning on her heel she left the room. She took a deep breath as
she got to her office door. Turning the knob she entered.
"Oh hello" Mulder looked up at her, he was sitting at
his desk staring at the unopened file.
"Mulder, if this is going to be too much for you, we don't
have to do it you know?" She came and perched on the end of
his desk.
"I...I was thinking about it and I'll be okay Scully, I'm
sure I will" he stood up and pulled on his coat. "Are
you coming?"
"Where Mulder?"
"Too see this kid Carl. I think we should go speak to
him" he moved to go to the door. Scully stopped him with one
hand.
"Mulder, don't do this to me okay, don't shut me out"
"Who's shutting you out?" he smiled. "I'm fine
Scully. There is no problem okay?" he shook his head.
"Jeez, a guy can't be a bit quiet every now and then"
he sighed. "I'll meet you at the car okay" he stalked
out of the room.
"Shit" Scully muttered under her breath, "he won't
let me into that head of his"
Home of Karen and Peter Steward 10:30am
The two agents appraoched the front door and felt for their ID
badges, Mulder rapped on the door with his fist.
"Hello" the diminutive lady answered. "Have you
come to talk to us about Jodie?"
"Yes, I'm Special Agent Dana Scully, this is my partner
Agent Fox Mulder, may we come in Mrs Steward?" Scully smiled
warmly at the woman who appeard to be a bundle of nerves before
them. She nodded and stepped back to allow them in.
After cups of tea were given, Mrs Steward began telling the
Agents about her two children.
"Carl and Jodie were just normal brother and sister, they
used to fight, but not badly, he would pull her braids and
she...Agent Mulder, are you okay?" she looked at Mulder, who
seemed to be staring into the distance.
"Wh..yeah...yeah I'm fine. Where is Carl Mrs Steward?"
"He's at school right now, he's a good boy Agent Mulder, he
loved Jodie in his own way, he would never do anything to hurt
her. Carl's a quiet kid, very bright, he prefers to read and
spend time in his room than go out making trouble like other
kids"
"Is this Carl?" Mulder stood up and picked up the photo
frame on the table, he stared at the brown haired sullen looking
boy. It was all too familiar. "I'd like to talk to him, when
does he get back from school?"
"About three thirty, Agent Mulder my son didn't do anything
to Jodie, he wouldn't have"
"I know that Mrs Steward, I think he tried to help her as
best as he could...he's just a kid, just a little boy, he
couldn't do anything...and he most likely is blaming himself
for..."
"Mulder" a hand gripped onto his arm. "Let's
go" Scully squeezed his arm gently. "Thankyou for your
time Mrs Steward" Mrs Steward nodded and showed the Agents
out. "Okay Mulder, that's it, you are not able to do this
case and you know it"
"Scully, I'm the only person who could do this case. This
kid he...he.." the words were catching in his throat.
"Mulder, come on, get in the car. You're sick, you look
terrible. Come on back to my apartment, take a couple of hours
off okay" she placed a hand on his back. "I'm worried
about you Mulder, let me do that please. I'm your friend and
partner, it's my job"
"I don't think they told you that in your interview did
they, when you were sent to spy on me" he snapped.
"Whoah, Mulder, hold on a second, where did that come
from?" Scully pulled on her seatbelt. "You know that
you can trust me 1000%, don't you dare suggest to me that you
can't okay?"
"I'm sorry" he looked down "I...I shouldn't have
said that. I don't ...I don't feel too well Scully" he
looked awkward.
"I don't have to be a doctor to see that. Come on, let's
go" Scully revved the engine and they set off to her
apartment. Parking the car the Agents got out. Mulder
begrudgingly following Scully up the stairs. "Right, give me
your coat, and sit down" Scully ordered. Mulder slipped out
of his jacket and flopped onto the settee, he rubbed his tired
eyes. "You want a drink?"
"Uh...yeah just some water thanks" she nodded and went
to fill a glass.
"You know" she handed it to him and sat down beside
him. "You should talk about your feelings Mulder, because
otherwise they can take over you. You won't be able to stop them.
They can make you sick, and I think that they already have"
she placed a hand on his knee.
"I'm fine...Scully I just...I'm just not too good right now.
I'll be okay, you know me"
"Yes, I do know you Mulder, and I can tell that something in
there isn't right" she moved her hand to his head.
"Somethings wrong Mulder, you have to talk to me about it.
You can't just shut it away like this. You can't"
"What if I don't want to face it Scully?" What if I'm
scared to"
"Why are you scared?"
"Because I think that if I let go, I'll never get hold of
myself again" he swiped at his eyes.
"Mulder, that's crazy, I'll be there to catch you if you
fall. You know that don't you?" Scully stared at him.
"Don't you?"
"Things are just getting on top of me...Scully. I just get
so tired...I can't sleep, I can't...rest it's just a little too
much at times" he looked up at her. "I'm so tired
Dana" then he shocked her, leaning forward her lay down
burying his head in her breast, wrapping his arms around her
middle.
"It's okay, I've got you Fox" Scully ran a hand through
his hair. Brushing her fingertips across his forehead, she was
alarmed at how warm he was. "Mulder you're sick, why don't
you have a sleep in my room?" it was a surprise when he
nodded.
"Okay...maybe for a bit...Scully is there any reason why the
room is..spinning?" he looked suddenly very pale.
"Come on, lets get you lying down Mulder. Come on" she
pulled him to his feet and walked with him to her room. Just like
she had done the night his Father was murdered, she laid him down
on the bed and went to get a damp washcloth. Returning with it,
she sat down on her bed beside him and gently wiped his face.
"You have got to take it easy Mulder, you're going to do
yourself some real damage one day if you carry on disregarding
your health"
"Scully...I feel sick" he gave a cough. She grabbed the
nearest thing to her, a plastic bag on the floor. He heaved into
it. "I'm sorry" he sniffed. "I'm a mess...I'm a
m..m..mess"
"Mulder, you're sick you're allowed to be sick. There's
nothing to be sorry about" she laid him back down again when
she was sure he was finished. "It's okay now, you're going
to be okay?"
"Am I?" he swallowed "I feel like I'm falling
Scully"
"Then as I said, I'll catch you. Now rest, shh" she
whispered. "get some sleep Mulder. We'll chat later"
his eyes flickered shut and his breathing began to even out.
"There we are, shh now. It's okay, shh"
Later that evening
Scully's apartment
Scully sat on her settee reading through a case file when
Mulder appeared in the doorway, he still looked sick, big dark
rings under his eyes, looked worse as his skin was so pale. His
hair was plastered to his forehead, and his face was covered with
beads of perspiration
"Hey, how you doing partner?" she took her glasses off
and looked at him.
"I've felt better" he staggered over to the settee and
collapsed onto it. "You've got a comfy bed Scully"
"You should have stayed in it then Mulder" she rested a
hand on his forehead. "You're still feverish. I want you to
take some of these pills" she handed him a bottle.
"What are they?" he squinted at the pill bottle.
"They'll help you sleep Mulder"
"Sedatives? no way"
"Mulder, you need sleep to get better, and the amount of
sleep you get, will not help you to get better. You need these
pills"
"Scully, I don't like pills" he whined. "I feel
shitty when I take pills"
"You'll feel more shitty if you don't Fox"
"You really think they'll help?" Scully nodded. Mulder
pouted slightly. "..'kay" he accepted two and popped
them in his mouth, washing them down with some water.
"Thanks Scully, for putting up with me...I know I'm a pain
at times"
"It's okay Mulder, you're not a pain, you just need a
friend, sometimes we all do" Scully wrapped her arms around
him and kissed his head. "You have to know how much I care
Mulder. Don't you ever think you can't talk to me"
"Mmm....don't..feel...well..Sc..I....don'...I..." the
sedatives were beginning to take effect.
"Sl..eep..sleepy..can't..stay...'wake" he slurred.
"You sleep Mulder. Get yourself well"
Three days Later
X files Office
9:00am
"Mulder, why won't you take some time off" Scully
sounded on him. "You are still sick, can't you see
that?" he didn't answer because he was coughing.
"I'm okay..Sc..Scully. I want to talk to Carl today" he
pounded on his chest to clear his throat. "I need to talk to
Carl"
"Mulder, are you sure you're up to this, the other day you
said you couldn't handle things"
"I had a fever the other day, I was talking too emotionally.
I'm fine"
"Mulder, you still have a fever, and it will get worse if
you keep working yourself like this!" she raised her tone,
but regretted it when she saw his face. "Mulder, we talked
about this. You need to step back from this one okay?"
"No, not okay" Mulder pulled his jacket on, pausing to
cough again, he coughed so hard he almost hacked up a lung.
"I need to see Carl, and I've set up the interview, you can
come if you want to, but if not, I'll go on my own"
"Of course I'll come Mulder, now you're being stupid"
"Oh, I'm being stupid, well excuse me! I will go on
my..<cough> own then" he coughed again. Marching out
of the office he slammed the door behind him. Scully sank down in
his chair and sighed, he was sick, he was depressed, and he was
in no state to be at work, and certainly not interviewing this
kid.
George Washington High School
10:15am
Mulder was shown into the room where Carl Steward was waiting.
He sat down opposite him and gave a smile.
"Hi Carl, my name is Fox, I'd like to ask you some
questions?"
"I didn't hurt her you know" the boy said quietly,
"they took her"
"Wh..who took her Carl?"
"I don't know, they came, there was a light, and I tried to
stop them and...oh what the hell, you won't believe me
anyway"
"I do believe you Carl, you want to know why?" the boy
nodded. "It happened to me too, when I was 12, they took my
little sister too" Mulder coughed, and let out a wheeze.
"You okay Mister?"
"Yeah...bit of a chill that's all"
"It happened to you, they took her from you too?"
"Yeah, and everyone blamed me for it too, all the kids at
school, they used to make fun of me, saying I murdered her and
that I was responsible, when I wasn't, I was just a kid like
you"
"What can I do?"
"You have to sit it out Carl, we'll launch a search party
for Jodie, but I know we won't find her" at these words,
Carl began to cry. "Oh...I'm sorry Carl, I didn't mean to
make you cry"
"My...Daddy...he..he doesn't understand, and he...takes it
out on me" Carl lifted his t shirt to reveal a dark bruise.
Mulder felt his stomach turn, he saw not the boy Carl Steward
sitting there, but himself, aged 12 years and 4 months, lifting
his shirt and looking at the dark bruises covering his body.
"Can you help..me?" Carl asked. "Agent
Mulder?"
"I uh...I'll try Carl, I'll try. Look I've got to go, I'll
call okay?" Mulder went to leave
"Okay....Agent Mulder?"
"Yeah?"
"I never thought I'd find someone who believed me" he
smiled. "That means there's hope right?"
"Right" Mulder smiled. He pulled the door shut behind
him and headed off down the corridor, he could already feel the
tears stinging his eyes. This was hard, prehaps one of the
hardest cases he was going to have to deal with, and right now he
wasn't sure if he could face it. So he decided to take the rest
of the day off, an event almost unheard of in Mulder's career.
X files office 4:45pm
Scully sighed, she had been trying to contact Mulder for the
past five hours, but with no joy, his cell was switched off, and
she had no other way of contacting him. He wasn't at home, and
the school had said he'd left at eleven that morning. Her
thoughts became troubled and worried as she thought about the
things which 'may' have happened. Her thoughts were interupted as
the office door banged open.
"Hi..honey..I'm home" came a slurred shout. Scully
stared at her partner as he stumbled into the office, his shirt
hanging out and his hair dishevelled. "Wha'?" he
sniggered, taking a swig from the bottle of whiskey he had in his
hand. "You no' pleashed to shee me Dana"
"Oh my god Mulder, you're drunk"
"Very...good Dr Scul..ly" he went to move closer and
fell, knocking his head on the table. "Oh..ow...it..ow"
tears began to fall down his face. "Hurt...I'm hurt" he
reached a hand up to where he was cut. "Ow...hurtsh....oh
God" Scully rushed to his side.
"Mulder, we have to get you out of here, before Skinner sees
you in this state, come on, up we come" she pulled his arm.
"I'm...shorry..Scull..y.." he wrapped an arm around her
shoulder.
"We'll talk about that later, for now let's get you out of
here" manoevering a very drunk 6ft 2 Agent quietly through
the corridors of the FBI building was no mean task. Scully
dragged him to the carpark, he was now in a very sorry state,
tears streaming down his cheeks. His legs were like jello, and
his motor functions were severely impaired. "My God Mulder,
how much did you drink?"
"A...little bit" he slurred. "Schcuully" he
flopped into her front seat. "I feel....ill"
"I'll bet you do, now shh until we get back to my place, you
just concentrate on not throwing up okay, you think you can do
that?"
"Mmm" his head lolled.
"Good boy"
Scully's apartment.
She had known he would be sick, she had no idea how much. As
he heaved for the tenth time into the toilet basin she was
beginning to wonder if he needed a stomach wash out. He lay in
her embrace exhausted, the retching was really taking it out of
him, and on top of the fever he already had, he was one unwell
Mulder. Sitting up again he brought up even more liquid, now
however yellow bile was making itself present, and that was never
pleasant.
"Scul..leee" he whined, his alcohol clogged mind made
him whine and whimper all the more. "Make it..shtop" he
heaved again.
"I can't Mulder, this is what happens when you drink most of
a bottle of whiskey" she rubbed his back. "You
done?"
"Think..sho" he looked up at her. "I'm
sho...shorry. I had to numb...the..pain" Scully turned the
taps on to fill her bathtub with water.
"Okay, shh now shh. Let's see about getting you in the tub
hey? clean you up a bit" Scully wasn't angry at her partner,
in truth she was worried sick about him. Mulder had never shown
up to work drunk before, infact he rarely even drank. She knew
that it had hit him hard, and that she was the only one he could
turn to for help. Mulder slid down in her arms, he was beginning
to pass out. "whoah, hey Mulder stay with me a while, come
on help me out here honey, I need to get you in this tub"
She unbuttoned his shirt and slid him out of it. "You need
to help me with the pants Fox, lift up a bit honey, thats it.
There we go" she got him undressed and somehow into the tub.
Wiping his face and neck for him she let the sponge linger on his
back and shoulders. She washed his hair, and even gave him a
shave. He was half conscious throughout it though. He looked
dreadful, pale and gaunt, with hollow cheeks, she was sure he
hadn't eaten for weeks. When she was done she pulled him out of
the bath and wrapped a huge towel around him. He couldn't really
stand, so she knew she'd have to dress him as well. So drying him
off as best she could, she got him into a pair of sweats and a t
shirt. She always kept Mulder clothing around, for incidents such
as this. Leading him to her bed she pushed him down and tucked
him under the covers. When he was settled she seated herself by
him and placed the thermometer in his ear. It beeped and she
removed it. Flashing the figure 102.7 at her Scully looked
concerned. Mulder licked his lips and opened his eyes a little.
"..'m sorry"
"Shh now, it's okay, you're safe with me here now Fox, you
rest"
"Mis..erable...drunk" he slurred.
"Yeah, yeah you are, but I think you had your reasons didn't
you?" gently she stroked his damp hair back from his
forehead. "Mulder, don't you ever do this again, you are not
well. You should have come to me, not to a bottle, I can help
you, whiskey can't"
"I ...loveyou" he murmured.
"I love you too Mulder" Scully whispered, she leant
forward and kissed his forehead. "So much" she thought
to herself, knowing full well he'd forget this in the morning.
Scully's apartment
7:30 am
Mulder rolled over in bed, he stared at the sleeping form
beside him, her hand draped over his chest. He felt terrible, but
the sight of Scully snuggled up to him took some of the initial
pain away. He let out an incredibly chesty cough, and then a
wheeze. Scully was startled out of her sleep.
"Oh...hey there, how you feeling?"
"Sick" Mulder muttered. "What...'m I doin'
here" he murmured.
"You showed up at the office very drunk, I took you back
here, and you got very sick"
"Oh....I'm sorry"
"Mulder, we have to talk, this can't go on"
"Scully...I really don't feel well, can we talk about this
later" he burrowed under the duvet.
"Mulder, you showed up at the office totally out of it, you
cried all the way home, sobbing in my bathroom, and you expect me
not to want to talk to you about it?" Scully brushed his
cheek with her hand. "Fox, I'm worried about you"
"Don't call me Fox...Jeez Scully...you know I hate it"
she bit her tongue.
"Mulder, I know you don't feel well, I know that, but you're
sick, not just with a fever, but here" she touched his head.
"And I for one will not watch you destroy yourself"
"Please...can I sleep" he sniffed, his eyes closed, and
two tears slipped out from underneath his long lashes. "I'm
so....tired"
"Oh Mulder, of course you can. You sleep now" Scully
kissed his cheek. "It's okay"
J Edgar Hoover Building
Washington DC
"He isn't up to doing this case Sir, he's at my place
now, he's very sick with a high temperature, and he's getting
more and more stressed as the time goes on. He's making himself
sick" Scully leant back in her chair. "AD Skinner Sir,
I wouldn't say this if it weren't true" She was obviously
not going to tell him about Mulder's showing up at work drunk, as
that would result in a hearing.
"I know that Agent Scully, but I really believe that Agent
Mulder is the best Agent for this case"
"Regardless of what it's doing to him Sir?" Scully
seethed. "If he weren't so ill I'd bring him in here myself
to prove to you"
"Should I call him?"
"No, if he knows I came to talk to you he'll be furious,
he'll accuse me of not believing in him. Just take him off the
case, PLEASE"
"I can't do that Agent Scully, the orders came from a higher
authority"
"What higher authority?"
"I can't tell you that Agent"
"Then have your 'higher authority' review the situation,
because if not, we'll lose a damned fine Agent" With that
Scully stood and exited the room. Marching down the corridor she
pushed past several Agents. She knew who the 'higher authority'
was, and she was to be damned if she was to watch CSM destroy her
best friend. She considered lying to Mulder, telling him that
Skinner had ordered him off the case, however that wouldn't work.
Mulder would be punished for not showing up, she just had to tell
him what she suspected. If he knew that CSM was involved, he may
not want to take the case anyway. But there was the chance that
her theory was wrong.
When she returned to her apartment, she was confronted with
Mulder lying on her couch, flicking television channels. He
looked up at her,
"Hello" he tried to smile, but his head and everything
else hurt.
"Hey there, you need to keep snuggled up in this"
Scully tucked the covers around him, "how are you feeling?
still nauseous?" Doctor Scully was back.
"Yeah, I tried to eat an apple and it came back"
"Mulder, I'm not surprised, the acid in that would make you
sick" she felt his head. "You're still warm"
"Where've you been?"
"Work, I had to see Skinner"
"About?"
"Oh, this and that" she sat down on the arm of the
settee. "How are you feeling in yourself today Mulder?"
she gently fondled his hair, "you okay?" he rested his
head on her lap.
"When you do that....it reminds me of Mom before
Sam...."
"You want me to not do it?"
"No, I like it Scully, makes me feel safe" he yawned.
"I...don't feel good Scully, I mean I feel under the
weather, but there's something else" he sighed. "Hell,
I don't know what's wrong with me" he rubbed his eyes.
"I talked to Carl you know"
"I thought as much. Did he have much to say?"
"Just that he didn't do it, he didn't hurt her. I told him I
believed him, and that the same thing happened to me when I was a
kid"
"You told him that Mulder?"
"Yeah, why?"
"How did he take it?"
"Seemed relieved that someone believed him" Mulder
launched into a coughing fit.
"Why'd you get drunk after that Mulder?" she rubbed his
back as the fit subsided. "Why'd you do it huh?"
"It hurt Scully, to see that kid, like I was....so scared,
and everyone blaming him for what happened....it was like..me as
a kid an' and..I couldn't handle it" he sat up.
"Scully, I'm losing it here, I really am"
"No you're not Mulder, you're just going through a rough
patch. You're not losing it. Christ Fox we all have problems
which get to us, but luckily, we also have friends to help us get
over them"
"I don't know what I'd do without you Scully" Mulder
leant into her arms, and she hugged him tightly. "I need you
so badly" he sniffed.
"Come on, lets get you back into bed, you look tired"
"I am, but I seem to have slept all day"
"Well, that won't do you any harm Mulder. Come on, I'll make
you a hot drink, then you try and get some rest okay?"
"Yeah, okay. Scully?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I stay here tonight?"
"Mulder, I had no intention of making you go home tonight, I
don't think you're in any fit state to be on your own"
"I don't want to be on my own, I want to be here with
you" he looked at her. Looking into his eyes made her want
to cry, they looked so pleading, and so hurt. Pain seeped out
from those hazel stars, which were beginning to glisten with
tears. Scully came back over and sat opposite him. "You make
me feel safe, like my Mom used to, when you hold me...I feel like
nothing can or ever will touch me. You're like all my securities
rolled into one Scully. If I lost you, I'd lose everything"
"Mulder, you mean everything to me as well you know"
she ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not going anywhere
Mulder. I'd never leave you. I hope you know that"
"I hope I know that too" he sniffed. "I'm sorry,
you don't want to hear me rambling on about my fucked up
life"
"Yes, I do Mulder, that's where you're wrong, I want to hear
about it. More than you'll ever know Fox. You have to talk about
these things, as they'll just eat away at you, and become bigger
problems than they are"
"They're already pretty big...and I'm sorry Scully"
tears began to stream down his cheeks.
"Then they'll get bigger. Fox, stop apologising to me, I
want to help. You should remember that" a hand reached out
to dry his tears. "Now let me make you that drink" she
got up and made her way to the kitchen. "You get into bed
Mulder, I'll bring it in" she called out to him. Filling the
kettle she switched it on and set about making the hot honey and
lemon drink, to her Mothers recipe. Mulder was troubling her, she
wanted to bring up the subject of him seeing a psychologist,
perhaps her own therapist which she had turned to during the
Donnie Phaster case. She knew however that he'd never agree to
that. When she'd made the steaming drink she made her way to her
bedroom. Mulder was propped up in the bed, still looking a little
too flushed for her liking. His shivers also were a worry.
"Here we go, drink that down, careful it's hot" his
shaking hands reached for the cup. "Okay, you're gonna burn
yourself Mulder, let me help you. Mind you don't burn yourself
Mulder"
"Okay...Mom" he smiled slightly. "Oh that tastes
good" he let out a sigh. "Scully, as a doctor...can you
tell me when I'm gonna feel...better. Right now I feel
lousy" he coughed.
"Well, if you keep going the way you are, you're not going
to feel much better Mulder" she sighed. "You're not
doing yourself any favors you know?"
"When do I...ever do myself favors Scully" he lay back
and coughed. "I'm sleepy"
"That's because I put a sedative in the drink"
"Scully...why'd you do that?" he yawned.
"So you'd sleep, now snuggle down, let Dana tuck you
in" she smiled. He was happy to oblige and burrowed down
deep into the bed, Scully gently stroked his hair.
"Stay...till I sleep" he whispered
"Sure, I'm not going anywhere, now shh" she whispered.
"You sleep now"
"Always...sleepin'..." he slurred groggily. Within
seconds he was sleeping soundly.
"And I'm always telling you, it'll make you well" she
kissed him lightly and crept out of the room.
10:00pm
Scully put down the medical journal and took off her glasses.
Rubbing the bridge of her nose she realised how long she'd been
reading. She felt exhausted, it had been quite a day. She thought
about what she was going to tell Mulder about the case. This was
a hard one, it made things awkward, she knew Mulder could react
in a number of ways to the news. This thought was interupted when
she heard a shout from her bedroom.
"Mulder?" she got off the seat and ran to her room.
Mulder was twisted up in the bedsheets, writhing around, he was
soaking wet with sweat, and he was groaning. "Fox, it's
okay, shh it's okay, you're dreaming, it's Dana, you're
safe" she stroked his soaked hair back from his face.
"It's okay....Mulder can you hear me?"
"I di...d all...I could....Mom....Dad....I did all
I...co...could" he sobbed. He was panting, as his
temperature seemed to have rocketed even higher.
"Fox, I know you did honey, you have to calm down. It's
okay....shh honey...shh" she stroked him softly, but he
still started to howl. "Fox, shh" she lifted him into
her arms and tried to rock him.
"Mom...they took her...an'...an'..'m so...sorry" he
wheezed.
"Fox, nobody blames you sweetheart...nobody" she
crooned softly. He showed no signs of calming down, so she did
the only thing she could think of. She called her Mother.
Margaret Scully arrived as soon as she was able to, and hugged
her daughter tightly.
"How's he doing?"
"Not too good Mom, he's so hot...and he's crying Mom, really
crying"
"I can hear him, let me in to see him then Dana, I'll see
what I can do" Maggie smiled at her daughter. She went to
the bedroom where Mulder was still in the throws of his fever
induced night terror. She sat down on the side of the bed beside
him, and gently laid a hand on his forehead.
"Mom??" he looked up at her, his eyes bright with
fever, he was hallucinating.
"Fox it's okay, everything's okay sweetheart" Maggie
whispered softly.
"I feel....sick" he mumbled.
"I know you do, but it's okay, you'll feel better soon"
she wrapped her arms around him protectively. He rested his head
on her shoulder and murmured into it.
"Don't ....hate me...Momma"
"Fox, I don't hate you, I love you sweetheart, shh now,
rest. You're a sick boy, rest. I've got you" she looked up
at Scully. "He's burning Dana, really burning"
"I know, I think maybe we should take him to the
hospital"
"No....no...Dad" he suddenly shouted. "I
said....sorry...I said...sorr..y....ow...ow"
"Fox, shh honey, shh you're dreaming. It's okay...Dana, call
that ambulance honey, he's getting worse" Scully nodded. She
picked up the phone and dialled 911. "Okay Fox, you'll be
okay, I've got you"
"I'm sorry....'m...so..sorry" he choked.
"I'm not cross Fox, you have nothing to be sorry about. It's
okay"
"It's coming, God Mom, what the hells going on, he's so
delerious"
"Dana, he's got such a high fever, was he this bad
earlier?"
"No, he was talking to me before he went to sleep, I gave
him a sedative to relax him, and then about an hour ago he
started screaming"
"How long will the ambulance be?"
"Ten minutes or so, I'll get a wash cloth to cool him
down" Scully went into her bathroom and damped the cloth
with the cold water. Coming out she gently laid it across his
forehead. He let out a pained whimper. "Okay Mulder, you're
going to be fine. Help's coming"
The ambulance arrived and the EMT's made their way into the
apartment, they lifted Mulder onto the gurney, and both Scully's
ran alongside them. Maggie held onto Mulder's hand tightly.
"You're going to be okay Fox, just hold on okay" the
journey to the hospital, although short, appeared to take a long
time. When they arrived Mulder was transported immediately to
ICU, and despite Scully's protests, she was left to wait with her
Mother in the waiting room.
"Mom, he is so sick" she shook her head and took a
seat. Running a hand through her hair she gave a sigh. "I
don't know if he'll come through this I really don't"
"Dana, we'll just have to give him some time. What's been
going on?"
"We're on a case, about a little girl who has gone missing,
her brother has said she was taken when he was babysitting
her..."
"I see...and Fox can see himself in this child"
"Yes..he's killing himself over it Mom, he was sick the
other morning anyway, and he's just got worse and worse"
"Has he talked to anyone?"
"What? Mulder talk to anyone, no. Mom he's been shutting me
out, he broke down the other night, said he didn't know how to
deal with how he was feeling. Skinner should never have put us on
this case, I told him that this would happen, but he insisted
that we took it. I knew this would happen Mom...I should have
stopped it..." tears began to cloud her eyes.
"Dana, you can't protect him from everything"
"I can try though"
"Yes...you can, but you can't always be successful. He's
lucky that he has you now"
"Is he?" she shrugged. "Maybe I make things worse
for him"
"Dana...when you...disappeared...he..he didn't know what to
do. He searched so hard for you...and ....don't you ever think
that honey. That man needs you" she hugged her daughter,
"he needs us both right now"
"Yeah...you're right" Scully dried her eyes, just as
the doctor approached. "How is he?"
"Miss Scully?"
"Yes, that's me" she shook his hand.
"Dr Paul Chandler, I'm overseeing Fox's treatment. He's very
sick Miss Scully, his temperature is hovering just below 105
which is as you know, very dangerous"
"Have you got a cooling blanket on him"
"Yes, but he's fighting it, we may have to sedate him if he
doens't calm down. He's experiencing quite a delerium"
"Can we see him please"
"I suppose it may calm him down"
"Yes it will" Maggie interjected. "Do you know
what's caused this?"
"Some kind of bacterial infection is my guess, if you'd like
to follow me, he's in a private room" the doctor seemed
friendly and cooperative enough. The two women followed him down
to ICU, where he showed them into the room. Mulder lay on the
bed, he looked so pale, apart from the slight crimson glow on his
cheeks. Scully sat down beside him, and observed the wires and
tubes which covered him. She was pleased to see that an oxygen
mask was still being used, and that they hadn't had to resort to
using a respirator yet.
"Fox?" she leant in. "Can you hear me?" He
let out a half whimper, half groan. "Fox, it's me, Dana,
you're going to be okay, just fight this, keep on fighting
sweetheart, please" her conversation was interupted by her
cell phone ringing. She hurried out of the room and took the call
outside. "Hello"
"Agent Scully, this is AD Skinner"
"Sir?"
"I need you and Mulder to come into the office,there's been
a development"
"Well, that's a bit hard Sir"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm at the hospital. Mulder's gone into intensive care, his
fever has spiked and he's very sick"
"Can you come in Agent?"
"Sir...I'd rather stay with Mulder"
"This is important Scully"
"So is Mulder Sir" she pressed the cut off button and
marched back into the room. "I can't believe that"
"what is it Dana?"
"Skinner, wants me to come into work, some development on
the case. I told him about Mulder, and he still asked me to come
in"
"Maybe you should then Dana"
"Mom, Mulder's sick, I'm not leaving him"
"I'll stay with Fox, it must be important for Mr Skinner to
call you in. Go on. He'll be okay with me...I'll take care of him
for you Dana"
"Okay, but I'll be back as soon as I can Mom, I don't want
to leave him here, and if he becomes more lucid, tell him I'll be
back soon okay"
"Okay honey, off you go" Maggie smiled. She kissed her
daughter and watched her leave. Turning back to Mulder she took
his hand. "You have to pull through sweetie, she needs
you"
J Edgar Hoover building
Scully was furious as she made her way down the corridor to
the AD's office. She knocked hard on the door and walked in when
she heard him reply.
"Agent Scully"
"What's so important?"
"This case, there's been a development"
"What kind"
"We've found the body" he leant back in his chair.
"Oh...I see" Scully sat down opposite her superior.
"Jodie Steward was found beaten and strangled in woodland
near her home. There was a struggle"
"Okay...so what does this mean for the case"
"Well, VCS will take over again, they don't need Mulder's
help"
"Right...so they've just caused him all that stress for
nothing"
"Well hardly nothing Scully"
"He's really sick Sir, so ill that I don't know if he'll
pull through...and he's sick because of the undue stress this
case has put him under. It was too close to home...he couldn't
deal with it. Now there's no reason for that to have been the
case. I'd say that's quite bad planning wouldn't you?"
"Agent Scully, I take good care of the Agents under me"
"Yeah...well, if you could find the time to stop by the
hospital, please do. Fox needs all the support he can get at the
moment" With those words she turned and left the office.
Skinner sighed, she had referred to him as Fox, that was
something he had never heard her do before, and it sent a shiver
down his spine to hear it.
G Washington Hospital
Scully arrived back at the hospital, not sure what she was
going to find, she was somewhat relieved, although a little
saddened that there was no change in Mulder's condition. Except
that her Mother was in the bed with him.
"Mom, what happened?"
"He had another terror, it was the only way I could get him
to calm down" she smiled, one hand softly stroking his hair.
"His temperature hasn't gone down much though Dana, and that
cooling blanket seems so uncomfortable"
"Yes, it's not the best, but he needs it...Mom something's
happened with the case"
"What is it Dana?"
"Well, they've found the little girl's body"
"Oh...that's sad"
"Yeah, I know, she was murdered, but VCS want us off the
case"
"That's good though, for Fox"
"Well, in a way it's not. He thought that this kid was
someone else who had been though what he had. If the same thing
had happened to someone else, then he wouldn't have considered
himself so....well noone believes him Mom....and this kid
Carl...gave him some kind of hope"
"Dana, he'll be okay, let's get him through this first"
they were interupted by Mulder's sudden jerking movement in
Maggies arms. She got up in panic, as he began to wildly thrash.
"Oh God, he's fitting" Scully hit the panic button and
held him down. "His temperature is rocketing...oh no, come
on Mulder stick with me, it's okay...it's okay" she cooed
quietly, running her hands through his hair. "It's okay,
stay with me Mulder"
The doctors worked quickly, injecting him with syringes and
turning down the temperature of the cooling blanket, he gradually
stopped jerking, and to Scully's surprise he opened his eyes
slightly. "Hey there" she stared at him, "Fox, can
you hear me?"
"Mmmm" he groaned. "hot....Dana...hot" he
murmured. Scully smiled, at least he hadn't sustained any damage
from the seizure.
"I know you're hot honey, I know. We're trying to make you
comfortable, just try to relax sweetheart, I'm here" she
looked at her Mother. "He's in pain Mom, and he's scared, he
only calls me Dana when he's scared" she had tears in her
eyes.
"Dana sweetie, you look like you need some rest. Why don't
you go home"
"No Mom, not while he's like this"
"Then ask them to bring a cot in here for you. Please Dana,
you'll get sick too if you don't take care of yourself"
"Okay, but I'm staying here, and you have to wake me if he
calls for me"
"I promise Dana, now go and ask the doctor for a bed"
she put her arm around her daughters waist. "Fox is in good
hands honey"
"I know, you're here" Scully smiled.
Later that evening
7:00pm
Mulder's temperature had fallen during the rest of the day,
and he appeared a little more coherent. He was still however very
weak, and not overly responsive, which was to be expected,
especially due to the amount of pain killers in his system right
now. He was as high as a kite.
Scully had gotten a couple of hours sleep, and felt much better
for it, Maggie Scully had opted to do the same as her daughter
took over her position by the bed. Mulder looked at her through
his drugged hazed eyes.
"How you feeling?" she whispered.
"Sp..acey" he slurred.
"Yeah, that's the drugs, they've got you on the good
stuff" she smiled.
"It...hurts.."
"Honey, you shouldn't be in any pain, you're heavily
drugged" she reached out and stroked his cheek. "Are
you sure you just don't feel nauseous"
"It....hurts...all..of me...hurts" he shut his eyes as
the room began to spin. Scully sighed. He shouldn't be feeling
anything much, the dosage of Morphine he was on. This was a
worry.
"Make...it stop" he let out a wheeze,
"Da..na...please" he reopened his eyes and pleaded with
her to make the pain go away. Scully took hold of his hand and
brought it to her mouth to kiss it.
"Mulder, go to sleep, you'll feel better if you sleep. I'm
staying right here, I promise you that" she could feel the
tears burning her eyes.
"M..'kay" he closed his eyes again and his grip
tightened on her hand.
"You'll be fine Mulder, I'm here. I'll not let you go"
Scully whispered.
Three days later
G Washington Hospital
12:00pm
Mulder was much better today, he still had a slightly elevated
temperature, but nothing near as dangerous as the last few days
had been. Scully and Maggie had not left his side during this
time. He had not been an easy patient either, through no fault of
his own, he had been extremely unwell, and that had taken it's
toll. Although he was over the worst of it now, the illness had
taken it out of him considerably, he was to gain some weight if
he wanted to be in full health again. His face was pale, and his
eyes almost sunken in his gaunt features.
Sitting up in bed he stared at the dinner before him. It didn't
look very appetising at all. Looking up at Scully he said
quietly.
"I'm not too...hungry"
"You have to try and eat something Mulder, please"
"I don't want it Scully, please don't make me eat it"
he swiped at his eyes with his hand. "I'm not hungry"
"Fox" Scully put a hand on his shoulder "if you
don't eat anything, they'll put an NG tube down you and you know
how much you hate those, just try some of this roll. Just a
bit" she broke a bit off and popped it in his mouth, he
chewed slowly and swallowed it. Grimacing he lay down and
burrowed under his sheets. He had been very withdrawn since he
had come around, and Scully was worried about that fact.
"The sooner you eat, the sooner we can get you out of here,
and you can come and stay at my place, and we'll get take out,
and you can watch baseball and basketball if you want" she
smiled "how does that sound?"
"Will...you take care of me...till I'm better" he
asked.
"Of course I will Mulder, you don't need to ask that
sweetheart" she leant in and kissed his cheek. "You
rest now, I've got to go and run some errands, I'll be back in
soon okay"
"Please don't be long" he reached his hand to her.
"I won't be, you sleep Fox, sleep" she gave his hand a
squeeze. Leaving the room she made her way down to the carpark.
She was worried about Mulder, she knew that physically he
appeared to be getting back to health, but his behaviour was
causing her some concern. He appeared very clingy. almost
neurotic. She had put it down to the fact he had been stressed
beforehand, and the illness had made him worse. But now he was
physically on the mend, she was quite alarmed by the fact he
hadn't yet mentioned going back to work. Normally after any
injury, Mulder was aching to get back to work, he would drive her
crazy by incessantly requesting she talk to Skinner to tell him
that he was fit and well. This time however, he seemed more
content to just have Scully hold him, he would lie in her arms
just gently rocking, almost like a frightened child. She would
have to see what she could do about getting him to see a
psychiatrist, when he was out of the hospital. But firstly, she
wanted to get him home and safe.
Saturday Morning
11:00am
"Okay then" Scully smiled at Mulder who was sitting
on the bed in sweats and sneakers. "You ready to get out of
here?"
"I guess so" he eased himself off the bed and put his
arm around Scully for what at first she thought was support, but
he was clinging to her so tightly, she realised she was providing
security as well. "We going back to my place?"
"Where else?" Scully questioned.
"I don't know" he looked down. "I
just...thought..."
"Mulder, do you want to stay at my place for a while?"
"No...no it's okay" he stammered. "I guess I'll be
fine"
"Mulder, you don't have to if you don't want to. I'm happy
for you to stay with me" she rubbed his arm tenderly.
"Mulder, don't lie to me, if you don't want to go home, then
you don't have to"
"No. Scully you're right....I should go home. Besides I can
always call you right?"
"Anytime Mulder, nomatter what time it is. I'm here
okay?"
"Yeah'kay" he gave a smile which Scully detected as
false, and they got into her car.
Mulder's apartment.
They arrived back at Mulder's building, Scully had been there
previously to organise things. It had been in a complete state,
so she had cleaned, and restocked his larder. She had set up a
bed on his couch and had brought in some new cushions and
blankets.
"Right then, you lie down, and get comfy" she tucked
the covers over the now prone Mulder, fluffed up his pillows and
gave him a small kiss on his head. Handing him the television
remote she set about making them both some lunch.
"I'm not hungry" he shouted into the kitchen as he
began to flip channels.
"I'm only making soup Mulder, you are going to eat that, I
need you to have some nutrients in you"
"I don't feel well Scully" he persisted. "I'm not
hungry"
"Listen to me" Scully stalked out of the kitchen.
Taking the remote from his hand and turning off the television,
she stated "I know that you are not well. I know that this
has been tough for you. Hell it's been hard for me too, but you
have to help me out here Mulder, you have to cooperate" his
face fell as she began her tirade. As she saw his expression her
face softened. She knelt down by the couch. "I'm so worried
about you" she said quietly. "Mom is too, you're not
eating, you seem withdrawn...Mulder please talk to me, what is
going on?"
"Nothing...I just don't feel so good right now...is that
allowed?"
"Mulder, of course it's allowed. Don't twist my words
sweetheart" she was exasperated with him, "you are not
doing yourself any favors here Fox, I'm here to help you. I'm
your friend, not your enemy. You said yourself once that I was
the only one you trusted. So why can't you trust me now?"
"Becau..se...I don't know what's happening to me....I don't
know" his words cracked as he tried to speak. "I'm
sorry...Scully"
"Shh, shh you don't have to be sorry Fox, not at all"
she hugged him tightly as his sobs wracked his whole body.
"Why...didn't Mom..c..c..come an'...see..me?" he
suddenly looked up, tears still streamed down his face. "Did
you...call her?"
"Yeah, she wasn't well enough to travel Fox, but she sent
best wishes"
"I bet" he lay back down and pulled himself into the
foetal position. "You still going to make me eat that
soup?" he looked up at her.
"You bet you I am" Scully gently reached out and
stroked Mulder's head. "It's chicken"
"Smells...good" he gave a small smile. "I'll try a
bit"
"Good boy" Scully smiled. "That's what I like to
hear" she made her way back to the kitchen. She served up
the soup with a little bit of French Bread and made her way back
to Mulder. He went to take the cup but his hands were shaking.
"You want some help?"
"Yeah....please" he murmured. Yet another reason for
Scully to worry, Mulder had to be really ill before he agreed to
let Scully feed him.
"Come on then" she positioned herself behind him so
that he leant his back against her. She put the cup to his lips
and he took a sip. "That okay?"
"Yeah....don't want much though..'kay?" he whispered.
"Okay, just take it slowly. That's it, good" she made
sure that he swallowed a fair amount of the soup before he gave
up.
Soon after he had finished the soup he became drowsy, and started
to fall asleep. Scully took this as her opportunity to go back to
her apartment.
"Mulder, listen to me. I'm going to go home now okay?"
"Mmm....yeah" he had his eyes half closed.
"You call me if you need me okay, I want you to rest now.
Have a nice long sleep"she gently pushed his hair from his
forehead. "I'll speak to you later"
"Yeah....I can call you yeah?" he murmured.
" You know you can honey" she kissed his cheek.
"See you soon" she got up and tucked the covers over
him, giving him one more kiss she left him to rest.
Scully's apartment
6:00pm
Scully lay back in the bathtub, she closed her eyes and tried
to relax, she couldn't get Mulder out of her mind. He was not
doing well at all, and she was at a bit of a loss to know what to
do about it. There was no way he would talk to anyone, she had
problem enough in trying to get him to talk to her, let alone a
stranger he wouldn't trust. She just had to put faith in him that
he was going to get through this as best as he could.
Wearily rising from the tub she combed through her wet hair,
looking at herself in the mirror she gave a smile.
"You never stop thinking about him Dana" she said
outloud to herself. "What does that tell you" shaking
her head she began to apply her face mask, a small smile played
on her lips as she remembered Mulder's reaction to it when they
were undercover. She wasn't going to lie to herself, she wanted
him back, the old Mulder, so sure of himself, and confident in
his ideas. But right now, whatever it was he was going through,
he needed her, he needed her to listen to him and to support him.
Without her, he wouldn't have anyone. Scully wandered into the
living room and picked up her book. Settling down with it, she
tried to take her mind off Mulder. She found herself staring at
the phone, almost willing it to ring. But she figured, that he
must be doing okay. If he hadn't called, then there was a reason
for it. He was fine.
10:00pm
The evening seemed to pass by quickly. Scully found herself ready to go to bed, it had been both a physically and emotionally tiring day. Climbing into her bed, she didn't even feel like reading herself to sleep, she looked at the phone again, wondering if she should call Mulder. But again she thought that he would have called. Her eyes closed, and she slipped into sleep.
2:00am
Something startled her awake. She was sure she heard her name
being called. It was faint, but she could definitely hear it.
Looking out of the window she saw the rain coming down in
torrents. Then she heard the bang on her door.
"Mulder?" she pulled on her robe and ran to the door.
Looking through the spyglass she saw Mulder standing (just
about). "Oh my God" she opened the door.
"Fox" he was soaked through, tears streaming down his
face, shivers racked his whole body. "You're soaking, come
on in" she pulled him in and hugged him hard. "What is
it? what's wrong?"
"I...I...I.." he gasped.
"Okay, shhh" she led him to the couch and sat him down.
She unbuttoned his shirt and stripped him down to his boxers.
Pulling a blanket from the armchair she wrapped it around him.
"What's wrong Fox, tell me what's wrong?" she ran to
her bathroom and got a towel. Coming back in she towel dried his
hair. "What is it Fox?"
"I....woke..up..an'..an'...you'd gone" he rubbed his
streaming eyes.
"Fox, we talked about that, I told you to call me...."
she was interrupted by him breaking down even more. "Okay,
it doesn't matter, shh now shh. I'm here now shh" pulling
him tightly into her arms she rocked him gently. He cried harder
and harder into her until his fits finally subsided. He nestled
his head into her shoulder and let out a sigh. "You okay
now?" she gently rubbed the back of his neck. "Mulder,
we need to talk about this"
"Why?" he sat up and rubbed his eyes again, "I got
scared, you said I could call you...or were you just saying
that?" he suddenly retracted.
"No, no of course not honey, of course not" she placed
a hand on his thigh. "I just think that you're having a few
problems right now, which we need to sort through"
"Well, can we talk...about them in the morning" he lay
back in her arms. "I don't feel so good"
"I know you don't, you want to sleep in my bed
tonight?" Scully felt as if she were talking to a child. He
nodded at her and followed her to the bedroom. She handed him one
of his t shirts and a clean pair of boxers, she kept Mulder's
stuff handy. Shuffling to the bathroom he went and changed into
the clothes. When he returned he was shivering. "Come on,
get in, get warm" he gingerly got under the covers, and as
Scully wrapped her arms around him, he snuggled deep into her.
Scully was taken aback when she felt a sudden rush of excitement.
When however she looked at how innocently Mulder lay in her
embrace, she realised how much he really needed her, and it
wasn't at this time a sexual need. It was something more.
Regardless of this however, Mulder needed help and in the morning
that was what Scully was going to get for him.
8:00am
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
The alarm clock startled them both out of sleep. Scully
reached over and hit the button. She looked at Mulder still
huddled up to her tightly.
"Come on sleepyhead" she whispered. "I've got to
go into work"
"Pleas..e..don't" he murmured.
"Come on Fox, you can come with me"
"No...s'kay" he yawned around his words. "Still
feel....poorly"
"Well then, you stay here, but I've got to go in" she
slid out of the bed and went into the bathroom. "That
worked" she thought to herself. Hopping into the shower she
gave herself a quick scrub and got changed into her work clothes.
When she came out Mulder was sat on the edge of her bed looking
at her. "What?" she said.
"Thanks" he looked down. "For taking care of me
last night....I don't know what happened, I just freaked
out"
"Well" Scully took a seat beside him. "We need to
stop that from happening don't we?" she took hold of his
hand. "Mulder, will you please consider talking to
someone"
"I don't need a doctor...I have you"
"Yes, you have me, but I can't help you"
"You can" he nodded "You are, you helped me last
night"
"Mulder, I can only offer you comfort, not a cure for how
you're feeling. I want to help you sweetheart, but I'm not able
to offer the treatment you need"
"I don't need treatment...I'm better now. My fevers
gone"
"Honey, I know, I don't mean medical treatment. You need to
talk to someone about what you're feeling"
"I talk to you"
"You don't Mulder. You cry to me, which is fine, and I'll be
there to hold you. But I don't know the right things to say to
help you"
"Or you don't want to help me"
"Fox, you're doing it again!"
"What?"
"Twisting my words!"
"I'm not" he lay down on the bed and pulled himself
into a tight ball. "I'm not Scully, I'm not"
"Honey" she sat down beside him again. "You are
suffering with depression, I can see it as plain as day. You're
the psychologist, surely you know that things aren't right in
there?" she leant in and kissed his head. "Mulder, God
knows I love you, would I ever hurt you? or do anything which
would hurt you?" he shook his head. "Then please. Go
and see my therapist. I'll go with you if you want me too"
"She'll make me better?" he sat up and dried his eyes.
"She'll make you better sweetheart" Scully pulled him
into her arms. "She'll make you better"
The Therapist's office
"Okay then" Karen the theapist held out her hand.
"Dana has told me a lot about you" she smiled.
"Oh....right" Mulder sat down uneasily in the chair, he
gripped onto Scully's hand. She held it tightly. "Dana..says
you're going to help me"
"Well, I'm certainly going to try and help you Fox, now we
need to start with you telling me a few things, such as what is
causing you to feel upset" his response was to shake his
head.
"I don't know...everything at the moment" he took a
deep breath in. "I just feel like I can't do anything right
now. I keep on falling apart at the slightest thing. Then I got
sick...I'm still not feeling well" he wiped his eyes with
the back of his hand. "It's like everything is too much. We
were assigned onto this case, and it upset me, quite a bit...it
was a little too close to things...things which happened to me
when I was a kid" Scully could feel Mulder begin to tremble.
"I tried to deal with it....but I couldn't do it.....I tried
but I couldn't do it" Scully put her arms around him as he
broke down in tears.
"Okay Mulder, shh. I've got you it's okay" Scully
gently rubbed his back. "You'll be okay"
"Right then Fox" Karen said. "I think that we
should set up a few sessions. You can talk to me then, and try
and work through some of this stuff" she reached out her
hand and placed it on Mulder's knee. "You've done the hard
bit now" Mulder looked up at her.
"You must think...I'm crazy huh?" he sniffed.
"No, not at all" she gave a gentle smile. "You
just need to talk some of this through, you'll be okay Fox"
"You think I'll come through it...then?"
"Sure, everyone gets stressed Fox, we just need to help
reduce that stress. It may take some time, but you'll get through
it" she gave another smile. "I think you need some time
off work though"
"I'm still on sick leave....I'm not going back in yet"
"That's a good thing, look, why don't you come and see me on
Monday. 10:00am appointment okay?" she shook his hand.
Mulder stood up. "Take care of him Dana" Karen said to
Scully when Mulder had gone out of the door. "He's in a
fragile state"
"I know, thanks though, I think you helped"
Scully's apartment.
3:35pm
"Right then, Mom is coming over in ten minutes to keep
you company, I have to go into work"
"I don't need a babysitter Scully" he looked up from
the television magazine he was reading.
"Yes you do, I want to make sure you get some food into
you" she gathered all of her things together. "How are
you feeling now anyway?"
"Still a bit sick" he looked at her. "Do I still
have a temperature?"
"Let's see" she laid a hand across his forehead.
"Yes, you're still warm. Dear me Mulder, you're in the wars
a little aren't you" she sighed. They were interupted by the
arrival of Maggie Scully.
"Hello Honey" she hugged her daughter. "Fox
sweetheart, how are you?" she came and hugged him. "You
look better"
"I'm okay...still not too good, but better than I was"
he smiled. "Thanks for staying with me when I was in
hospital, I didn't get much of a chance to thank you before"
he smiled. "I know I've been a bit of a nightmare really
lately"
"No, you haven't been Fox, don't think that please"
Maggie brushed his cheek with her fingers.
"Thank you" he looked down.
"You're welcome sweetheart" Maggie smiled at him.
"Dana, you go on, we'll be fine here"
"Thanks Mom, that's great. I'll see you both later okay. I'm
not sure what time I'll be home"
"Don't work too hard honey" Maggie smiled.
"I won't" she kissed her Mother "see you later.
See you Mulder" she kissed him as well. "You rest now.
Get some strength back" with those words she left Mulder in
the capable hands of her Mother. When she was out of earshot
Maggie looked Mulder straight in the eye.
"Now tell me something" she said, gently taking his
hand. "How are you doing really? Dana is worried about
you"
"Things are a bit hard...but I went with Dana to see a
therapist today, and I think she'll really be able to help me.
Everything has just got on top of me lately, and it's been kind
of hard to deal with. I'm sure that I'll get through it. Dana's
been a great help already. So have you"
"Oh Fox, you're important to me too. I'm just looking out
for you"
"Well, that's nice....I've never really had much of that
before...which is maybe what's wrong with me I guess" he
shrugged. "Do you uh...want a cup of coffee or
something?"
"I'll make it Fox, you relax" Maggie smiled at him.
"You certainly look better Fox, you really do"
"Thanks" he followed Maggie to the kitchen and helped
with the coffee.
"No Milk" Maggie sighed.
"I'll go get some" Mulder pulled his jacket on.
"No Fox, you're meant to be resting"
"I could do with the walk. It's only 5 minutes to the
general store"
"But Fox..."
"It's okay Mrs Sc...Mom" he put a hand on her shoulder.
"You worry as much as Dana, I'll be okay, just give me ten
minutes, and I'll be back"
"Okay, see you soon, be careful" Maggie kissed him.
"You're a prescious boy"
Mulder wandered out of the building and turned left down the street, he felt in his pocket for some change and popped into the store to buy a milk carton. He also grabbed himself a Knicks magazine and a packet of Oreos. He paid for the goods and with his nose in the magazine started back to the apartment block. He was so engrossed in the magazine as he crossed the sidestreet that he didn't see the fast approaching Sedan. There was an almighty crash, a loud sound of a horn, and milk everywhere. "Oh My God!" the driver of the sedan got out, looking somewhat dazed. "Someone call 911 I hit a guy!"
Mulder lay on the road, staring at all the people suddenly
congregating around him. The waves of pain were crashing over him
as he lay there, he could feel the blood welling in pools around
him. He wanted to cry out, but his jaw seemed to be locked. He
figured if he closed his eyes, Scully would find him and
everything would be all right. He was suddenly aware of someone
screaming his name. He recognised it as Scully's Mom. He had been
hit right outside the apartment block, she must have heard the
crash. Maggie fought her way through and bent down by Mulder's
bleeding body.
"Fox, it's okay honey, you'll be okay" she took off her
jacket and put it over him. He forced his bleary eyes to look at
her, he pulled his strength together and whispered.
"Mo..m" as he did so a gush of blood came pouring from
his mouth, and breathing became difficult. He let out a strangled
cry. "Hu...rts"
"I know, it's okay, help's on the way sweetheart, you hold
on please. Don't you give up on me baby, don't you give up"
Maggie ran her hand through his hair. The sirens became audible
and the EMT's were there. Mulder was transferred to a gurney and
hooked up to a network of drips. As the drugs went into his
system the pain seemed to ebb away. Maggie was riding alongside
him holding onto his hand.
Two hours later
George Washington Hospital.
"Mom, what happened?" Scully ran down the corridor
to where her Mother was sitting. "Is he okay?"
"He just went to the store, he only wanted to get some milk,
and he got hit by a car"
"Oh my God, have you talked to the doctor?"
"Not yet, Fox is still in surgery...Dana I'm so sorry"
"Don't be Mom, he's not a kid, you can't keep an eye on
him" Scully sighed. "Besides...he wouldn't listen even
if you did say you didn't want him to go out" she gave a
smile. "Was he badly hurt?"
"I think so Dana....he was bleeding and..." the
conversation was interrupted by the arrival of the doctor.
"Any news?"
"Right, Fox is out of surgery now. He's stabilised. He
suffered quite a blow to his head, which we are a little worried
about. His right wrist is broken, and he has a few bumps and
bruises, but he was a lucky guy. It could have been so much
worse"
"What about his head injury?" Scully asked.
"Well. We'll monitor him tonight, to keep an eye on the
pressure, but I think he'll be out of ICU by the morning"
"Can I see him?"
"He's kind of dopey right now, but sure" the doctor led
them to the room where Mulder was. Walking into the room Scully
sighed at the sight of her partner. He was hooked up to a network
of drips and an oxygen cannula. His right wrist was in plaster,
and his face was nastily bruised.
"Oh, look at you" she came and sat down beside him.
"Mulder?" she whispered. "Mulder, it's me. Can you
hear me?" she gently reached out and stroked his head.
Sluggishly he opened his eyes and looked at the blurred image in
front of him. "Hey there, how you feeling?"
"Sick....an'...it hurts" he whispered softly.
"Sc..ully...I want to go home" he gave a groan.
"Not for a few days yet Mulder, you've taken a bit of a
blow" she moved her hand and gently rubbed his arm.
"You need to rest and get some strength back"
"My..arm..it hurts"
"Yeah, I know it does. You've broken your wrist, so that's
why it's painful"
"I'm sorry....'bout this" he licked his parched lips.
"Trou...ble....again"
"Mulder, you didn't do this on purpose, it's okay" she
sighed. "Don't blame yourself"
"I'm so...tired" he yawned.
"You should rest Mulder, go to sleep. I'll be here
okay" she whispered. "I'm not going anywhere" she
settled back into the chair and began to gently stroke his arm.
"I'm here Fox, you rest now" she whispered.
One week Later
11:00am
Scully's Apartment
Mulder lay on the couch, his head ached, his arm ached, he
felt exhausted and down right miserable. He had been out of
hospital for a day, and he was not overly communicative either.
Scully didn't really know what to do with him.
"Hey" she knelt down beside him. "How you feeling
now?" she gently stroked a stray bit of hair from his
forehead. "Still bad?"
"Yeah...still bad" he swallowed. "Scully...when,
when am I going to feel better?"
"Mulder, you were hit by a car, you're going to feel sick.
That's normal"
"But I feel...so sick...I can't do anything. I don't know
what's going on Scully" he shut his eyes. "Honey, it's
okay" she leant in and kissed his head. "It'll be okay,
I don't know how we're going to get through this, but we are, you
have to believe me Fox, you have to"
"I want to believe" he gave a small smile.
"There we go, then that's a start" a smile crept across
Scully's face. "You want to cuddle up and watch some
tv"
"Sounds good" he forced himself into a sitting position
and then curled up against Scully, his head nuzzled in her chest.
"You know, we would make a good couple....I think" he
looked up at her.
"Do you now?" she smiled.
"Yeah" nodding he let out a sigh. "Hey...what's
happening about work, I hadn't even asked?"
"Well, you're still on sick leave, and I think that's a good
idea"
"Yeah...me too"
"You do?"
"Yeah...I don't feel like going back at all" now this
statement sent a panic through her.
"Sweetheart, what do you mean, you want to quit"
"I just don't feel up to it, and I think that my time there
is done"
"Mulder" she stared at him "you can't be serious.
You don't want to go back to the x files?"
"Not really" he replied.
"Oh honey, that car hit you hard" she stroked his head.
"Mulder, that work is your life"
"Well, it was...now can't I just stay here with you?"
the conversation was broken when he was suddenly hit by a bolt of
pain in his head. "Oh....ow...Scu..Scu...hurts" he
squeezed his eyes shut.
"Okay sweetheart, it'll pass, shh now. Lie still it'll
pass" she crooned, gently rubbing his arm. It's okay,
shh" the pain subsided, although it left him spent. His eyes
slid closed and he fell into a somewhat fitful sleep. His
breathing appeared laboured, and there was not a relaxed
expression across his face. Scully tenderly stroked his cheek.
His remarks about not going back to work troubled her greatly.
Whatever had been going on in his head before the accident was
clearly still at work, he didn't seem to want to do anything
anymore, he was just content to be mothered and looked after, and
that was not the Fox Mulder Scully knew and loved. This would
have to come up in discussion during his next therapy session.
The therapists office
Monday 9:00am
"So how are you Fox?" Karen asked. "You look
better than I thought you would"
"Not so bad" he gave a slight smile. "Considering
I got runover"
"Well, that's good, how do you feel in yourself. What about
coming back to work"
"Oh, well no" he shook his head. "I've talked to
Scully about that, and I don't think I can"
"Why not?" Karen looked at him. "Tell me why not
Fox"
"Well. I'm sick" he stated. "So I don't have to
work" he sounded like a child.
"But when you're better, you won't be sick forever, don't
you want to carry on with your work?"
"Well...I guess" he chewed on his bottom lip. "But
you know..."
"What Fox?"
"It hurts" his face fell and tears began to spill out
over his eyelashes. "It hurts when...when I see
kids....lik..like me...an'....I can't help them...I can't"
he put his head in his hands and sobbed. Scully who was sat at
the back of the room stirred in her chair, she couldn't just
leave him there crying. Rising to her feet she gently placed a
hand on his shoulder, but he shook her off. Looking up at her he
spoke again. "Do you..kn..know how useless I f..feel?"
"Muld.."
"No" he cut her off. "Let me finish. That kid
Carl...he needed help, so much. I was meant to be the one to help
him...an'...and I fucked that up"
"You didn't Mulder" Scully shook her head. "You
didn't. They found the body, it was a straight murder..."
"It..was?" he looked up at her. "You didn't tell
me that"
"No, I know I didn't. You were so sick, then you got
hurt...I didn't have time to tell you"
"Oh" he hung his head. "It doesn't change things
though" he wiped his eyes. "I'm still fucked up"
"Mulder, you have been through a lot" Scully gently
reached and touched his shoulder again. "You are way too
tough on yourself. Just give yourself a break, you can't just
expect to keep going, but at the same time, you can't just give
up as easily as all that either"
"She's right Fox" Karen interjected. "I know it's
hard, but running away from your feelings, and denying them, as
you have been, you will make yourself a great deal worse" he
looked at her with his piercing eyes. "You know that it's
right Fox, and you know that you can do this"
"I'd like to go home now" were the only words that came
from his mouth.
"Come on then" Scully put his coat around his shoulders
and helped him into the one arm of the coat he could wear. He
winced as she brushed past his arm in the sling.
"Sorry" she looked up at him. "Let's get you home
then"
They walked out of the office in silence, Scully was slightly
stunned by Mulder's reactions in there.
"I'm sorry" he suddenly said.
"What for?"
"Breaking like that, I didn't mean to" he got into the
car and cursed as he had trouble with the seatbelt.
"Mulder it's okay to break" Scully leant over to help
him with the belt. "But you clam up again as soon as you
expose yourself. That's what's bad"
"That's the way I am"
"Yeah, and that has to change, if you're going to get
better"
"You think I can do it?"
"I think you can, it's going to take some time, but I don't
see why you shouldn't be able to get back on your feet, but the
thing you need to do is to break from me"
"What?" he stared "not see you?"
"No, not a complete break, I mean go home, get your life
back again, try and cope on your own. Mulder you were always so
damned independent, almost annoyingly so. You wouldn't ask for
help in anything, but now you can't seem to do anything without
me. Now don't take it the wrong way. I would die for you
Fox" she reached her hand to his cheek. "I really
would, but you have to do this on your own. I'll be here for you
to fall back on. That will never change, but you have to fight
these demons with yourself, by yourself, you understand?"
"I understand" he nodded.
"Then you're half way there sweetheart, you're half way
there" she unclipped his seatbelt and pulled him into her
arms where he was safe.
FIN